A Lot More Free
Hello all!
My last dating update was just around two years ago, so I guess I should update y’all again! Since the last blog post about dating I didn’t put any effort into finding anyone and actually came very content in being single. I had accepted that marriage and finding that special person wasn’t in God’s plan for my life.
Well all of that changed at the beginning of this year…or so I thought. There was a guy I had known for about a year, but he had been in a relationship since I met him, so we were friends, but I had never thought of taking the relationship any further. In January this friend became single, and I still didn’t put a lot of thought into it.
He had just broken up with his long-term girlfriend and was now attending church and building his knowledge of church and the Bible. I was so excited to be able to help him to learn the Bible and to take these next steps of him figuring out who Jesus is. I started encouraging him to go to church and trying to find resources to help him. He has found a church to attend but to my knowledge has not accepted Jesus into his heart, so I will keep praying for him and for his conversion.
We talked on the phone every day and soon the conversations became more personal and flirtier. He called every day and would send voice notes just to tell me good morning. At the end of January, we went out for the first time, not on a date or anything. A group of us went to the line dancing bar in town. But it was really fun to get to hang out with him for the first time. During this time, I was talking to my friend, Mallory about him and she asked what my gut was telling me about our relationship. And I told her that at that moment my gut was telling me to just stay friends with him.
As the months went on, we hung out more and more but always in a group setting. He would bring his friend, and I would bring mine. In April we went to the logical rodeo since he had never been to one. Then in May he was finishing up his last classes for his master’s degree and he invited me to his class presentation. I, of course, went to support him. I was so proud of him. At the end of the presentation, their professor gave flowers to all the students who presented, and he ended up giving me those flowers.
A few weeks later I attended his graduation. He was so excited to have me there and I am sure that he loved the support. I was so proud of my friend. His mom came to the graduation, and it was the first time I was going to meet her since she lives out of state. I was nervous to meet her and make a good first impression. When I found him and his mom after graduation, we shared a hug and then he said, “come meet my mom. She already knows everything about you and knows that you are better than...” Now I’ll never know who I am better than but the fact that he had already told his mom all about me was a positive thing to me and where the relationship was going. I figured you didn’t tell a parent all about a person you don’t have feelings for. The whole evening was amazing, getting to celebrate him and get to know his mom more and more. I had also given him a graduation present that he and his mom both loved. His mom was really excited to get pictures of the two of us together.
At the end of May, we went out to coffee for the first time, just the two of us. It was so amazing. He paid, and we had a really good conversation about so many things. Since then, he has invited me to coffee and church with him a few times, and we have been to other local spots to hang out just the two of us. Our conversations are always good and meaningful. We have gotten to know a lot about each other, both our pasts and what we hope for the future. Everything was moving in the right direction, and it seemed that he really liked me, and I knew I was falling for him, even though part of me knew I shouldn’t since he isn’t a Christian. I was loving our friendship and getting to know each other.
Then two weeks ago everything changed. He came over to my house to play Mario Kart with me, my sister, and another of our friends that he had met on several occasions. We played several games of Mario Kart and then our friend was leaving to go line dancing so we all decided to go. We are at the bar having fun, dancing, and chatting. He started to tell me about this girl he was supposed to have breakfast with the next day. He said he had been talking to her for a bit and was really interested in her. My heart plummeted. I had been so hopeful and in one fell swoop he is asking me for dating advice so he can pursue someone else. I was devastated. The rest of the night I did everything I could to act normal and like my hopes hadn’t just been crushed.
I was able to ignore him for the next few days as I had already planned to be out of town. The few days away helped to clear my head somewhat. It still hurt but I knew I wasn’t going to stop being his friend. God put me in his life for a reason, and I truly believe it is to help him on his salvation journey. Plus, it wasn’t this friend's fault that I didn’t listen to God in the beginning when I started to catch feelings for him. I prayed intensely about moving this friendship to something more as I wasn’t sure about it. And God was telling me to wait for His timing. But I let the world around me get too loud and I let my guard down and developed feelings anyway. I knew it wasn’t right since he isn’t a Christian, but I created a whole scenario in my head where we could date, and I would help him to become a Christian and everything would work out perfectly. But in reality, I needed to not pursue anything more than a friendship, so while I would like to blame this friend for hurting me, in reality I hurt myself.
All of this to say I am still very much single. And now I have to deal with heartbreak that I could have avoided if I had just listened to God instead of everyone around me (and my own desires).
Much love,
Victoria